Letter to the editor: Remembering Nicole Paul

Her name leapt out at me from the back of the Women's Studies newsletter. They were announcing the winner of this year's Nicole Paul endowment. I drew in a quick breath, my mind racing back to my years in DC and my friendship with Nicole. Pain and sadness filled my body as tears welled to my eyes. I was once again abruptly reminded: Nicole is dead.
I met Nicole in 1991 in a Women and Violence class. It was wonderful to witness her hungry embrace of feminism. She was experiencing "the click" through class conversations and readings, and was really coming into her own as a woman and a feminist. That class changed her life; changed it so much that she decided to enter George Washington's Women's Studies graduate program instead of their business program. Her parents were not pleased, but I was thrilled! This baby feminist was on her way.
I got the call when I was living in Minneapolis. Nicole was raped and brutally murdered by two men she knew. I screamed and raved. My God , the emotions I felt were almost uncontrollable. The hatred men have for us, I thought. How do we tolerate it?! She fought them; I know she did. I only wish she had taking one of them with her. I should have done her the favor.
I had not thought about Nicole for months when I

unexpectedly came across her name. She had given me the book Shoot the Women First , and last year I grabbed it to look up some information. I gasped out loud when I read her words inside the cover , and immediately broke down. The shocking realization hit me hard.
And here I am again, wrecked by the remembrance of a beautiful woman's life so horribly snuffed out. She was too precious for us to lose. She would have received her degree by now; perhaps going on to earn a Ph.D. I like to think we would have collaborated on some sort of project of protest.
Being a feminist in this world is extremely difficult. To watch Nicole take that on was a pleasure only those in the movement could appreciate. That is why I want you, my feminist sisters, to know that what we are doing is really important, and that our work has great value. Nicole was viciously robbed of the opportunity to make a greater contribution to women's liberation. I cannot say how much more time each of us will have on this earth, but I want to urge every of you: make it count.

Patricia Barrera, the writer of this letter,  is a 1992 alumnus working in Portland, Oregon as a consultant to mental and physical health care professionals on the sex industry.