Democratic National Committee "Mission Not Accomplished" Press Release

For Immediate Release
August 30, 2004

Contact: Matt Bennett



New York City – That’s right. The Super Zeroes can’t stand to miss a party, so they made the trip to NYC and will be popping up here and there at convention hotspots. Don’t be surprised if you run into your favorite Zero as he or she mixes and mingles with all the GOP big wigs.

The Super Zero Roster

Enron Ed

The elder statesman of the Super Zeroes, Eddy-Boy has been showing a propensity to show up in the same cities at the same time as Republican National Committee (RNC) Chair Ed Gillespie for months now. You’ll know you’ve spotted Enron Ed when you see a caped figure, in mask and tights, proudly displaying the Enron logo. Gillespie, of course, recognizes the logo from the golden years of Enron when he was lobbying for them, and the big wigs weren’t in jail.

Hal E. Burton

Hal takes time out of his busy schedule packed with independent investigations, spending the tax-payers $7 billion for the no bid contract in Iraq that garnered overpriced soda and rancid food, and contributing money to Republicans to follow former Halliburton CEO Dick Cheney around the country. Hal’s oversized foam cowboy hat topped by an oil derrick sets him apart from the other Zeroes.

Lt. George W. Bush

The Lt., identified by a flight suit, made his Super Zero debut at the Democratic National Convention. Lt. Bush is more likely to show up at political rallies than for things like medical exams. In general he is elusive and unreliable, but he cuts a fine figure in his uniform!

Miss Leader (Say it fast and you get misleader!)

Miss Leader recently broke the Super Zero glass ceiling by joining the boys in her tiara, and sash. This is a lady who loves to misdirect. She shouts out directions in a way that is assertive, if misguided. Don’t ask her for directions if you want to get where you’re going. And don’t try to tell her she’s wrong. She never admits her mistakes.

The Un-Credible Hulk

The Un-Credible Hulk seems like a normal guy, but he says a whole lot of stuff that just isn’t based in reality. When he starts talking about turning a corner in the face of depressing jobs numbers, soaring health care costs, and a plummeting stock market you know he’s ‘hulked out’ to become—the Un-Credible Hulk.

Paid for and authorized by the Democratic National Committee, This communication is not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.